Recurring Dreams

Dreams - what do they mean and why do we have them? I have read some of what the scientific world believes dreams are, however for me, I cannot reconcile myself to their black and white approach.
I have been having this one particular recurring dream since I was a young child. The essence of it is that my mother and I go shopping and then somehow become separated. She eventually goes home and somehow I know that she is home..although I am still trapped inside the shopping centre unable to find the exit. It almost appears that I am "haunting" the centre over many years.
The dreams continue over my life time with this main part being played out - sometimes with different travel arrangements to the shopping centre, and then it plays out various endings, including us both leaving on a train (albeit separately) and me becoming lost and catching the wrong train and never being able to find my way home.
I am still having these same recurring dreams many years later and cannot find the answer, although I know that even my guides are helping me be separating the dream and "honing in" on specific sections of it with a magnifying glass. Each section of the dream magnifies and adds even more "chapters" to this incredible "never ending story". It becomes both frustrating and annoying that I cannot find the end.

One day, many years ago - I think it was at least 15 years ago, I travelled to where I thought this dream was taking place - of course it had to be in a past life - it was to the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney. Around Centennial Park where, my grand parents happened to have lived. I drove around the area and actually found some of the land marks that were in my dream. I found one house in the area opposite Queens Park and happened to see the neighbour outside in the front garden of her home. When I asked her about the house next door, she told me that it was only three years old. That the old house that was there had been pulled down and a new one had been rebuilt. Yet this house that was only new was the exact same house from my dream - with one exception - the house and garage where opposite distances from each other. In my dream the garage was in the back of the house, in reality it was in the front of the house - other than that, the outside of the house was the same colour, the garden was the same - rose bushes and all, even the drive way was in the same position. Yet I had never seen this house ever before.
I wandered across the road to Queens Park and walked down the hill to the flat. I found of of the trees that was also in my dream and it was exactly the same shape as in my dream. It had been quite a while since I was taken to Queens Park as a youngster of perhaps 3  years young. The tree would have changed over that many years - yet there it was - same shape, height and all. I got goose-bumps all over just thinking of it.
Yet, I could not find the intersection where I would drive my mother to this area, nor could I find the shopping centre. I could not also find the railway station, even though Eastern Suburbs Railway Line had been in place for about ten years by then.
So some of it still to this day remains a mystery - is it past life? Is it early this life? Or is it merely imagination. What do you think?

blogged: http://ping.fm/hqvJ5 - xPollinate to Tumblr

xPollinate to Tumblr

I am trying to get my posts from Windows Live Writer to Tumblr. I am being lazy I know, though I am following a blog from http:starrbrite.com who has discussed the details in it and I want to be able to access all my blogs.

So here goes and hope it works � it will be a huge time saver.

blogged: http://ping.fm/EFLOU - xPollinate to Tumblr

Finding My Totem

It was the time of pre-dawn. The sky was still dark, there were few stars shining if any, God wandered afar on the earth.
My God Mother had been missing for days now and my God Father and I were wandering – meandering along her last known path. The wilderness was eerie and the noises of the night were all around us. In my small child’s mind every noise and every quick sight out of the corner of my eye was frightening and I clung to my God Father’s hand even tighter. Never daring to let go, for fear that the earth would swallow me whole and I would never be seen or heard from again.
In this time, way back in early Man’s history, the animals which stalked the earth were the lesser Dinosaurs, the Sabre Tooth Tigers, the earlier winged creatures who seemed to own the sky – no matter whether it be night or day. There were people wandering around, all bent over in weird shapes and forms. Carrying dead carcasses or dragging them back to their caves. Children were clinging to their mother’s furs on their skin, watching their father’s bringing home the dinner. I could hear the distant growl of the earth and feel the vibration beneath my bare feet. I clung to my God Father’s hand even tighter. He winced and looked down at me with a sudden pang.
Just then we both felt the earth vibrate and shake beneath us. Trees all around dropped their fruit, or leaves, or swayed with the vibration. I screamed as cracks began to show in the earth’s ground. At first, small cracks, then larger and larger – away from us and in front of us. I was terrified and couldn’t move for the incredible fear that was over taking my very being.
A crack that had formed in front of us became wider and wider. It opened up to reveal a depth that I had never known before. The heat from this ever increasing yawning of the earth was over whelming and exhausting me, both at the same time.
My one thought was to run – in any direction I could – just to be safe. My legs carried me afar and I could feel my feet growing hotter and hotter as I stomped onto small heated rocks that were thrown up from the yawning crevasse.
Boulders and rocks began flying from the night sky, some even flew from deep with in the crevasse along side of me. I tried to keep it to the right of me – in fear that I would fall into it and never be seen again.
I yelled and screamed in terror as I was fleeing this awful moment. I let me hand fall to my side and then realised that my God Father’s hand was no longer clutching mine. I dared to look to my right side and realised the awful truth. He had disappeared. Just like my God Mother – she had gone just as quickly and we were both looking for her. Now, it seemed, I was totally on my own.
The earth continued to rumble with a loud terrorising noise, letting out steam and fire from vents opening up all me. I saw people running here and there – calling out for their children, their mates, their families. I was alone and knew that I was “different” to them, so I dared not let them see me. My skin was lily white and soft, by comparison to theirs, should they see me, I was not certain of what fate would befall me. My God Father had warned me of this from an earlier age. Now though, I was alone and had a single thought to find a sanctuary, a place of safety for myself until the earth would becalm itself and right itself once again.
I saw a sabre tooth tiger in the distance, running toward me and the other people. They and it were not even taking notice of me. It was a good omen for me to move closer to them, perhaps I could be mistaken, even in the shorter moment, for one of their own. The tiger saw me and moved closer and closer toward me. It bounded higher and higher up the mountain I had clambered to be away from the earth’s yawning crevasse. I was frightened to the point of shaking and began to run in the wrong direction – down the mountain toward a home I would never see again – a home I did not even know would still be there when I returned.
I stumbled over a rock on the ground and fell, into a hole that had opened up. I screamed and landed heavily on my right side. My hip was badly bruised and when I looked up I could see the bright orange and yellow – white sparks and fire flying high above the earth.
Just then the tiger put her head through the hole and looked down at me. She roared with anger at me and put her right front paw in with open and elongated claws ready to strike. Perhaps she thought I was her next meal. I didn’t know. All I knew right then was that I thought this would be my last breath. She caught me on my left thigh and left a deep gash into the skin. I was deeply scratched from the top of my thigh down to my knee. She could smell the scent of blood on me.
Suddenly something frightened her away. I heard a very loud growl followed by an equally loud roar. It was deafening and for a moment I could not hear the earth trembling and vibrating. I slowly pushed myself up with my hands on the ground and was on all fours. I could not see anything from that point, so I decided to reach up to the top of the hole. Still I could not see anything. However as I slowly turned around to face the darkened night, it seemed that in the midst of all the fire works, there I could see a most majestic sight.
The biggest brown bear I have ever seen was standing over this huge sabre tooth tiger. Both of them were roaring and growling. Their hackles were up, they were both snarling at each other. I could see, quite near the bear was a vision of a beautiful white Spirited Woman. She was as tall as the bear and had lovely long white hair. She looked so familiar to me and the sight of her, filled me with such inner peace that I hadn’t known for quite a long while. I couldn’t help but stare at her.
Then suddenly it seemed that something had startled the tiger away. As I watched this sight, the vision of the bear appeared to take on a different form and all of a sudden the “bear” seemed to disappear all together and another woman was left in it’s stead. She was now wearing the skin of a bear with the head of the bear over her own head.
I gasped in surprise. Both women looked at me, startled that I was there. I crouched down further into my little hole and tried to remain quiet. However one of the women came over to me and pushed her hand and arm down into the hole. I looked at it, white as white could be. I followed the hand, with very little hair on it, up to the elbow, then up further to the shoulder and it was then I could see some of the bear skin. It was the younger woman who had been standing in fear next to the bear. I looked up to her face, it was warm and friendly. She smiled at me with her beautiful blue eyes. She reached down and touched my leg. I flinched. Then she reached for my hand. I took hold of it and she pulled me up to the ground.
Immediately I hugged her, then I noticed there was blood on her arm. As I looked down at her arm, I followed her gaze in the distance. The other spirit had completely disappeared. Yet the bear skin was still on this woman. The tiger had also disappeared and the earth had stopped trembling and quaking. There were no more fire works flying through the sky. She was warm and her embrace felt strong. I stayed and let my head rest on her shoulder. I felt safe again.
As she walked along, she was “talking to me” communicating through my thoughts and I to her. It was abstract thought. She told me her name was Alexa and I told her my name was Sanda.
From that time on, we were friends and our bond would find us being together throughout the centuries, many life times, and spiritually we would be together on a mission to find our loved ones who had disappeared and left us.

Beget me knot…

I once was a queen in another land, another place, another world – another time. All was so different from what it is now – on this planet, in this time, and in this world. So very different.

I remember that our dynasty stretched generations as far as you could “see”. Way, way back we could see the end of the world, or was it the beginning? Either way, it was our profound belief that when you arrived there, you would surely fall down the waterfall of life and so would begin another journey into another soul, another spirit – another being.

The generations of our lineage, began with a line up of women – so it is that I re-member. Our women were the Shamans of the world – the healers, the “seers” who seemed to “know all”. For many, many generations did these women live – so much so that each one lived in the previous one’s name, and, it was said – likeness. For years and years, this kingdom was ruled by the women – the Great women who were constantly the women behind the Great men of their time. The men of knowledge, the wise, the elders, the acknowledged “Fathers of Time itself”

It so happened that one of these men, mated with one of the Shaman mothers and they, together, produced a single male heir to their throne. This young boy had a happy boyhood, groomed and nurtured into the throne, with a single aspiration to become a great sea captain. His name was Alexander. Thus began the realm and great dynasty of the Alexanders!

From him, became the lineage of the great sea bearers, the great sea captains – the men of strength, power and wisdom and knowledge. The dynasty of Alexander continued on and on, for at least 12 generations until one famous son and heir, recently come back from fighting a war of wars with his black kingdom neighbours, found that his beloved wife had died in childbirth and had given birth to a girl. This meant no longer would the great line of Alexander continue. Instead this disparaging father named his girl child Alexandra and so returned the dynasty of the women. This line of Alexandra’s continued until the great lineage died out and the kingdoms – the Great Black Kingdome, the Great White Kingdome of the Giants, and the Kingdome of Alexandra’s died and became little less than ghost towns and only the scant remains of bricks and mortar remained to tell the tale of the one who lived to tell the tale of the one who got away…

Welcome to my new Reflexions

Well today is the first day of these pages. I am very excited to be sharing this with everyone. My most recent Reflexions are those which are bothering me. Mostly because I think I know where they are from, then I don't and I am finding it difficult to really hone in on exactly where all of these are taking place.
It all started quite a few years ago when I first began to have dreams of my mother and I deciding to meet up some place, then in these dreams we would invariably 'lose' each other and my surprising panic attacks which would take me to places unknown would ensue.
The strange thing is that my mother is only a phone call away from me in real life and I talk to her often, email, Skype, or face book. So it is not as though I really miss her being in another state. We are still quite close and know this. Yet in my dreams it seems that we are destined to never find each other.
Shopping centres are there, suburbs of Sydney that seem familiar to me are there - She used to live in the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney so it is a surprise that I cannot quite find the exact places that are showing up in my dreams. I have ventured out to drive around the area and actually found one of the houses which 'features' in my dream only to realise that this house was only three years young, and it was back to front. That is the garage was in the front of the house, where as in my dream it is in the back of the house. Given its location, it seems to be absurdly in the 'general' area or vicinity of the location where it 'should be' however, it is still a little out of sorts when I overlap my memory to its location. Still, it is opposite the park in which I found a tree over which is a treasure map. My spiritual friends found the map for me, which gave me the relieved courage to continue to pursue the meaning of this dream.
That was over 10 years ago now. I am still having these recurring dreams (which are sometimes nearly night mares with the panic that I am feeling at not being able to find her) and know that one day I shall have to drive around these areas with her in the car in the hope that we can together find the meanings of the places I am seeing and the feelings I am experiencing.